It's GAY... not Q*eer: My preferred terminology as the author

Today’s blog, since it is Pride Month, is more of a statement or miniature thesis on my identity, the identity of my characters, and the identity of my books. Every person has the right to choose how they are identified and that same right should extend to how my characters and books are identified. They are, after all, a direct extension of me and anywhere and everywhere both I and my books are mentioned I will likely find out and end up reading about it. I therefore feel the need to be VERY clear on my position regarding labels.

For the past year... or possibly longer... there has been a very odd shift in the terminology that gets used online when it comes to gay men. Ten years ago it was not uncommon to "say gay" when that is what you mean. Which made sense: this has been the label that most of us have been comfortable with and that has been in use within the community for decades. The better half of the last century in fact! But recently it has become increasingly rare to actually encounter the word "gay" online or on social media—instead people are now using the word q*eer.

Instead on "gay authors" or "LGBT authors" we see the use of "q*eer authors." Instead of "gay threads" or "LGBT threads" we see "q*eer threads." It has now reached the point where whenever and wherever gay authors or their gay characters are to be discussed... the word gay is rarely ever used. Just q*eer... and I'm going to be honest... I HATE this word! I loathe it. I can't stand it. I wish it would simply go away! I have my reasons for this and I will briefly outline the headlines for you.

1. It was, and will always be, a weapon.

The q-word has historically and even in modern times been used as a weapon. It was a cuss word used to dehumanise and shame gay people. It is only logical that a person who has suffered due to gun violence might have an aversion to guns. Likewise, gay men like myself—who were abused and shamed using this word—will always carry the scars it left. 

2. It serves as a bitter reminder.

Maybe people reading this will try to argue that using the word is an "act of reclamation" (more on that below)... but the fact remains that hearing or reading this word is like having a bucket of ice water emptied over your head. It is a jarring and painful reminder of the hate and violence you have faced for being gay and, in doing so, cannot be seen as empowering. Triggering your trauma responses is not empowering.

3. It frames our existence as subversive.

The Oxford English dictionary carries the following original definition of the q-word:

"Strange, odd, peculiar, eccentric. Also: of questionable character; suspicious, dubious."

The problem is that this inherently makes the term comparative... "strange" compared to what? "odd" compared to whom? It quietly implies that there is a different baseline: a norm, a standard, a usual. It also implies that whatever or whomever forms that baseline, gay men are deviates—we do not form part of the norm. This flies in the face of what we have actually been trying to establish over the past few decades... that homosexuality occurs in nature (over 1,600 species and counting) and occurs naturally in humans. We are part of the norm... not separate from it!

4. It is less specific and therefore more ambiguous.

Using this word as an "umbrella" term to refer to everyone within the LGBT community erases our differences—which are supposed to be our strengths—and fails to capture our uniquenesses. We are a diverse community and we do not all face the same hardships or have to same needs; making this word a disservice to the community we have historically been and we are actually still trying to build.

5. It leaves the door open... in a bad way.

Because this word is so ambiguous, it leaves the door open to the inclusion of people who are not actual members of this community. For some the q-word simply refers to people who are either L or G or B or T... while for others it now includes anyone and everyone who consider themselves "weird" or "eccentric." This includes cisgender heterosexual people have always and still do continue to benefit from being cisgender heterosexuals while also using the Q as a way into a marginalised community purely for aesthetic or financial gain reasons. Case and point... cisgender heterosexual women who claim to be "queer" so they can make as small fortune by writing books about gay men that end up competing with actual gay authors for the limited shelf space in our genre. Not to mention competing for which books get adapted into movies and series (e.g., Red, White, and Royal Blue, Heartstopper, and Heated Rivalry).

As I've mentioned, some will claim that using the q-word is some kind of act of reclamation—but I firmly believe it is NOT. The fact is you can only reclaim something if it once belonged to you and was taken away at some point. This word has never belonged to us: we did not choose it and we did not create it. This word was assigned to us under malicious circumstances. Using it now would be closer to "adopting" than "reclaiming." But even if it were "reclamation" there would still be the very important question... Should we? 

Many words like queer have existed... niggro, chink, spick, kike... many words. Most of these have thankfully fallen out of use and many people reading this post will likely never have heard of them or even know who they used to refer to; which is a good thing. The only exception to that list is the n-word which is used by a very small minority of people but even in that case it is used very differently from the q-word. The n-word is not used by everyone, it is still seen as harmful, and it does not show up every single day online or in any polite discussion. People acknowledge that not everyone is comfortable with it and that is should not be used gratuitously in public. I firmly believe the same should apply to the q-word.

So... all of this just to get to my point... I do not like the q-word and I would greatly appreciate it if people do not use that word when referring to me, my books, or my characters. All three belong firmly to the second letter of our acronym. We are all gay... very very gay. That is the better term and I much prefer it!